Lately I've been working on my physical and mental health and the old issues that were holding me back. I've been transforming in a lot of ways and getting rid of things that don't serve me anymore. For instance even feeling completely sick of things I used to love which resulted in me throwing out half my wardrobe etc. I've noticed a lot of people are going through this rapid change, shedding their old skins and uncovering who they really are underneath. I think I'm pretty good at cutting back the bullshit with all types of things, but until now I've been mostly unable to do so to my own self. In recent conversations with my sister, I've been thinking a lot about the influence of the Year of the Horse and the influence of authentic change.
The title for the drawing is taken from lyrics from Shake It Out, by Florence and the Machine. I know Ceremonials is super super old, but this past week this song in particular was really resonating with me and all the change going on in my life right now. Of course I've liked this song for a long time, but it didn't really sink into my skin the way it had last week. As if I had only just heard the lyrics for the first time.
2 of Swords: balance, partnerships, a need for give and take
8 of Swords: holding yourself back because you fear moving into the future
The Devil: bound to indulgence preventing a person from growing or becoming healthy
Obviously the devil represents all the stuff holding you down, and that's why it felt even more powerful about shaking the devil (fears, regrets etc) off your back in order to dance. The devil is in Graceless Heart in the form of the clawing hands on her shoulders, and the plane crash. In a way this is personal physical and emotional pain represented. For one, I have chronic pain in my shoulders always: feels like some hands digging in. Secondly, in recent years I have become terrified of flying; it's almost a phobia of mine which I am also trying to let go of (I still fly, just really really pathetically). Of course the recent loss of MH370 has filtered into the image (not meant to be disrespectful!)
The fire to me also represents fire in the heart, burning passion desire and explosive release. The falling cherry blossom add a slow rhythm to the explosive nature of the heart. I suppose I kind of feel that the cherry blossoms represent eventual peace. I wish that I could animate or produce films because in my head this image is actually moving - but sadly I don't harbour the skills!
I also wanted the image to be in kind of lulled space of time, like the feeling you get when you are flying long distances - you're in limbo. There are many mentions of Heaven in both Shake it Out and Ceremonials in general, and that is the reasons for the image being set in the clouds. The clouds and fire were created with gouache and then scanned in.
Here's a quick, light alternate sketch so you can have a look at the intial linework.
In summary, to me this illustration is about leaving all the bad shit behind, letting go of your demons and learning to dance. Which is what I'm aspiring to do at the moment. Best of luck to any of you going through a similar change.
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